No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I party with great urgency now.
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