that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
are you so shy because you have an std?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
