Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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