apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
