he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
