Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
