Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
