True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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