i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
