We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
