Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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