The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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