Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
