I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
