I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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