He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
