Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
