If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
