so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
