So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
