Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
