It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
