maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize