Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
