I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
