I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude