i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I AM VODKA MAN
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men