I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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