I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.