I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.