Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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