U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
