I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
