i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
