Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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