I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
