There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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