If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
