just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
