she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
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Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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