I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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