Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
