just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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