i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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