You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
