So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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