just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
