when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I haven't been this sober since birth.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
