I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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