I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
