i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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