I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
