I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
