She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
