she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
