I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
