Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
