OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
