you have to choose: penises or morals?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
