LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
