It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
