I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
