he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
