just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
