i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
