Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dick very happy bro
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
