I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
