Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
