I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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