pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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